


Knocked Up

by neversaydie



Series: 500 Follower Fic Fest [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, Hysterical pregnancy, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kinda, M/M, Mpreg, Nick Fury is Not Amused, not really - Freeform, request fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 19:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3907498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neversaydie/pseuds/neversaydie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I want you to go on the fuckin' internet and find condoms that fit your giant dick. You can send glitter to your enemies these days, how the fuck can't they make condoms to fit little Stevie Rogers?"</p><p>"Please don't call it that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knocked Up

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the 500 Follower Fic Fest that's happening on my blog right now at saferforeveryone.tumblr.com
> 
> Come request something!

"Shut up."

"I'm not kidding, okay." Bucky scowls from his position hunched on the bed, his arms folded tightly over his chest. "You fuckin' knocked me up."

"Bucky, I did _not_ knock you up." Steve frowns at him again, wondering if this is some kind of HYDRA conditioning they haven't encountered yet.

They've had weirder, although Steve hopes he never finds out exactly why they programmed the Winter Soldier to get on all fours and bark like a dog. He's running out of those free murder passes Fury gave him for Christmas.

"You did! You fuckin' put a bun in my oven, Rogers. And this oven don't want a bun." The fact Bucky looks actually distressed, wide-eyed and – has he been crying? – desperate under his still-long, lank hair gives Steve pause. Maybe it's not a prank.

"Buck, that's not possible." He sits down on the edge of the bed, speaking gently. "Like, _physically_."

"How the fuck d'you know? You ain't a fuckin' doctor." Bucky gestures wildly. "I got the ersatz shit of whatever they pumped into you, how d'you know it didn't…. cause things?"

"I'm pretty sure—"

"Because I ain't having a fuckin' baby, alright? No way, no how." Steve realises he's really panicking over this when he notices the tremor in Bucky's flesh hand. "I-I can't even look after myself. I can't take care of a kid."

"Hey, woah." Steve grabs his hands and Bucky looks at him frantically. Steve smiles, trying to get him to take a breath and calm down. "Sweetheart, cool down. Even if you could… even if you got some crazy serum that meant I could knock you up, even if you did have a baby, you'd be fine. You're doing so much better than you think you are."

"Don't lie to me, you wouldn't trust me with a fuckin' mutt right now." Bucky mumbles, scowling down at their hands. Steve squeezes his fingers and shakes his head.

"You're my best guy, I trust you with my life. And I'd trust you with any crazy kid we managed to produce." The reassurance seems to soothe Bucky slightly, and he finally lets Steve put his arms around him. "You know this means a trip to SHIELD medical, right?"

"I'm taking Bruce." The pout in his voice is loud and clear, even muffled in Steve's shoulder. Bucky had immediately latched onto Bruce when he came in from the cold, being that getting on the good side of the guy who can level a city is a pretty good survival tactic.

They have a knitting club. It's pretty great.

"Alright." Steve lightly presses a kiss into Bucky's ratty hair and listens to the disgruntled huff he gets in response with a slight smile. "You want me to come?"

"No." Bucky grumbles. "I want you to go on the fuckin' internet and find condoms that fit your giant dick. You can send glitter to your enemies these days, how the fuck can't they make condoms to fit little Stevie Rogers?"

"Please don't call it that."

*

"Congratulations, you're not gonna be a father." Bruce leads a sheepish looking Bucky out of the elevator, back from a very tense trip to the SHIELD medical centre. "I did bring you back some really interesting leaflets on hysterical pregnancy, though."

"Thank fuck for that." Steve breathes out a loud sigh of relief and ends up nearly bowled over when Bucky pretty much flings himself into his arms. "I told you."

"Only thing I'm giving birth to is a big ball of nerves, apparently." Bucky pulls back with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. He's not really okay yet, not by a long shot, but he's getting better. "We can parent that, right?"

"I've been parenting your bullshit since the twenties." Steve scoffs, grinning when Bucky gives him the finger. That's more like it. "We'll be okay."


End file.
